You are responsible for your life. You can’t keep blaming somebody else for your dysfunction. Life is really about moving on.
oprah winfrey
I just hit an all time low this week. Work stress was at its peak. My personal productivity was low. My mental health was just a wreck. So I decided to take the day off yesterday and journal.
I ended up journaling at two coffee shops because I talked to a random guy at the first coffee shop for over an hour until the shop closed. So I decided to go to a second coffee shop to journal.
But going back to that talk with the random guy…he started the conversation. At first I didn’t want to extend the conversation, but when he mentioned that he really enjoyed story telling through content creation, I got really intrigued.
We were talking about the fact that everybody has a story to tell. A story of their life…how we live…what we do…our passions and interests…the choices we make.
And that’s when I was reminded of the fact that you are responsible for the choices you make in any/every situation you are in.
For me, that was the choice to remain in a shitty mood after work. The choice to not go work out because I was feeling too lazy and unmotivated. The choice to continue to feel shitty over multiple days. You are responsible for your choices.
There are days where you’re mentally weak or just completely burnt out so you may not want to hustle. You’ll have bad days, but that doesn’t mean you should avoid responsibilities at work or in your personal life.
A sense of guilt followed by freedom
When I journaled that thought, I definitely felt a sense of guilt for what I did. I blamed other people at work for my situation. I pitied myself everyday for not drawing a fine line between work and life (“anything outside of work”). It didn’t feel right or good, but that’s when I also came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to feel this way.
I wanted to learn from what I did wrong and move forward because the story you tell can only go forward. Just like reading a book…you can only read a book moving forward. So I had to tell myself this “Make the choice to respect your time more”.
What did that look like? Well – it meant making sure that I did not work overtime again (I’m part time right now) and being more confident in telling my leads that if they need me get work done, they should go find somebody else since I’m part time. By not working overtime, I am able to spend more time with my software classes and other side hustles/hobbies. I think this is what you call being accountable at work.
The more I thought about taking action on these thoughts, the more liberated I felt. My problems almost felt lighter in some way. Is this what taking responsibility for yourself feels like?
I sure hope so.
