Another tough week. Job rejections are piling up (I started applying last week). I’m getting stressed over stupid little things and feeling empty at work. I’m not getting anywhere with my life. I am feeling lost at 30.
When I see other people succeed, I’m reminded of my own inadequacies.
It’s tough not to play this comparison game. I’ve talked about it before on this blog, but damn… for some reason, this season of my life makes it really hard not to. When I go on LinkedIn to job search, all I see is how successful my friends are. When I read the news about the job market and AI, all I feel is fear…fear that I’ll either lose my job or be stuck in it because I don’t have the AI skills to be hire-able.
The endless wasteland in Food Wars
I named this post “feeling lost in the endless scorching desert” because it references the endless wasteland in Food Wars. I just finished watching the last season, and it’s an awesome anime. Long story short, it’s about the Japanese culinary world.
In the anime, there’s a concept called the endless wasteland. It’s depicted as this harsh environment with dust, wind, and brutal weather. They show top chefs getting lost or consumed in this endless wasteland.
There are many interpretations of it, but the way I see it, the endless wasteland represents the culinary world itself. This world is ruthless—there’s constant demand for chefs to prove themselves and continually discover new flavors. If they don’t, they don’t make it far. And if they do, it gets continually harder the deeper they venture into the wasteland.
The show depicts top chefs and main characters getting consumed because they forget why they became chefs in the first place. They lose sight of their purpose and their enjoyment of cooking.
I’ll keep searching
When I finished the anime, I felt consumed by this metaphor. Except I’m not in a wasteland. I am lost in a desert. It’s hot and it’s endless.
I’ve forgotten my reason for pursuing engineering. Nothing seems fun anymore. At some point, I forgot when things stopped being enjoyable.
It sucks feeling this way. I admit that it’s hard not to focus on all the negatives.
But if there’s anything I’ve learned…it’s that I’ve got a choice. It’s to see this week, with all it’s shitty moments, as an opportunity to grow or as the reason to give up.
I still believe there is still something that I can do that can reignite that desire for engineering. I’m not sure what it is or what it looks like yet, but I’ll keep searching.
