“I can’t handle this pain anymore. If I don’t do something different or if I keep going down this same path, I’m going to go nuts or die or lose something incredibly important.” I said that to myself everyday this week because I felt like I was dragging my mind and body through a pile of glass. Tony Robbins explains this is when change happens.
Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change
tony robbins
What happened this past week?
I found myself reliving a past painful event at work.
5 years ago, I took on my first test project as a full time mechanical engineer. I was excited like any fresh college grad would be – I saw it as an opportunity to grown and learn. It taught me a lot, but it also became one of my most physically and mentally painful experiences I ever went through. Due to the nature of my work, I can’t explain why, but it did teach me that you shouldn’t sacrifice your mental and physical health on something you don’t care about.
Fast forward to this week, I found myself in the same situation. I was sacrificing my mental and physical health for something I didn’t care about at work. My bad sleep and acid reflux came back. I had no desire to work on my blog or anything I cared about after work. I am typically good at hiding my feelings, but I was struggling so much that even my coworkers noticed.
Thankfully, my lead gave me a safe space to talk and I just let everything out. I didn’t have that space to talk 5 years ago so being able to talk instead of feeling like I had to hold in my feelings really made a difference.
What did I do 5 years ago and what will I change now?
Once I had finished that testing project, I went part time. I reduced my hours so that I could spend more time focused on healing myself. This eventually spurred my pursuit to change careers into software engineering.
I will most likely also do the same thing now – go part time and study code again because I want to work on a different coding application. Also, I need to focus on changing my mindset. That was something I didn’t change so well 5 years ago.
How to make change happen?
I listened to a Rich Roll podcast featuring Dr. Andrew Huberman. Dr. Andrew talked about how to change your brain. I realized that a lot of what needed to change now was my own mindset, specifically the negative thoughts and habits I have when I get super stressed out. I had piled on all these negative thoughts and habits since high school, so trying to change 10 years of this stuff was going to be difficult.
Dr. Andrew Huberman shared that the keys to changing the brain are to focus and get deep rest and sleep. If you want to be less anxious, learn a new language, or be more functional in some way, the key is to bring intense focus to something particular that is happening during the learning process. Doing so will activate the neurochemical system by releasing acetylcholine, which marks the neurons involved in a specific behavior for change. Neuroplasticity is triggered by intense focus, but neuroplasticity occurs during deep sleep and rest.
Why is change important?
If you don’t change your painful situation, then you’ll just remain in your painful situation. You’ll become miserable and spread that misery around you. That’s not good for either you or the people close to you.
I wish big and lasting change didn’t have to happen when you reach a pain threshold, but pain is one of the greatest teachers in life as you get older. Pain will show you what you need to change. Don’t run away from the pain if you’re going through something like I am. Embrace it and learn from it.
