I recently watched this YouTube short of Joe Rogan talking about this struggle of feeling like you’re not where you want to be in life, and it immediately resonated with me. I was feeling like that toward the end of this week.
I lost the drive to do what was important. Things like studying data analytics and software coding or working out felt exponentially harder to do. I didn’t even look forward to things that usually made me feel fulfilled, like writing on this blog, script writing, or practicing volleyball.
My mind became consumed with thoughts like:
“I don’t have a new job that I care about yet.”
“Why am I not making as much money as I want to be making?”
“Why am I not closer with my friends?”
“I’m not where I want to be in life.”
All I wanted to do was just give up in some way…to take it easy and to wait until I felt like I was ready to take on life again.
So that’s why I thought this video was golden. I wanted to share it here – both for you and as a reminder for myself for whenever I feel this way:
Give it a listen! Here are some of my favorite important lessons I took from it.
Figure out how to enjoy yourself
The first thing I thought when I heard Joe say this was: reward system.
Find a way to reward yourself when you’ve worked hard. Set up a personal goal and say that if you hit this goal, you’ll reward yourself with something you enjoy. For me, it’s those grey Bonobos chinos 2.0. I don’t need them but damn…do they look nice.
The key is making sure the reward matches the amount of hard work and hardship you’ve had to endure. If it doesn’t, then the reward won’t feel satisfying.
After giving it some more thought, I also realized that figuring out how to enjoy yourself also included doing something you genuinely enjoy.
I realized that the reason I was so unsatisfied with my life was that I was spending 9-10 hours a day doing something I didn’t care about, and maybe only one hour doing something I loved. The imbalance made each day less and less enjoyable. No wonder I kept feeling like I was not where I want to be in life.
Now, I’m focusing on spending more time after work each day doing something that I enjoy…something that makes me feel alive.
Just go as hard as you can, but also enjoy it
I interpreted this as enjoy the process.
To be honest, I don’t have a solid understanding of this mindset because why would you enjoy going as hard as you can at something you don’t like… like at a job you dislike?
But if I had to guess at what Joe was saying…I think the enjoyment comes from self-discovery. When you push yourself to the limit, you’re testing yourself. You’re learning what you’re capable of. You’re exploring aspects of yourself you never would have uncovered otherwise, and what you might find may excite you.
It’s kind of like climbing a mountain. If you climb halfway up, you can get a decent view, but if you go even higher…all the way to the peak, you’ll see a view that you never could’ve imagined.
I’ve been applying this mindset at the gym by pushing myself to failure during certain sets. The pain sucks, but it’s been incredible to see how much stronger I really am when I can fight past the pain.
You just need one good day
Because that one good day is what helps you start another good day. And another…
When you’re not where you want to be in life, it’s really the little wins that matter. They build momentum. The more good days you have, the more positive energy you carry to get you to where you want to be.
Eventually, you’ll run into a bad day, and that momentum will stop. But then you just start over again with just one good day. That that’s what life is – a constant cycle of these ups and downs. It’s never a straight up hill trajectory.
It just starts with one good day.
The dark hole is slippery and deep
I knew exactly what my dark hole was when Joe was talking about it. For me, it’s negative self-talk and an addiction to instant gratification.
When I just indulge in those things, boy is it hard to try and climb out. It takes days…if not weeks for me to feel like I’m out of that abyss….to feel like I’m myself again.
What I’m learning is that if you see that dark hole of yours, look the other way. Continue down that hard path, which is doing the right thing.
And this is hard. So unbelievably hard. I have gone down that dark hole so many times. I will continue to do so; however, I’m trying my best to go down less.
There are days where I wonder if going down the hard path is worth it, but I can say this from personal experience – you’ll spend more time trying to claw your way out of your dark hole than you ever will walking the hard path.
I admit that I am not where I want to be in life right now, but I’m incorporating all these pieces of advice that Joe said! So far – it’s been a tough fight, but I believe I’m heading in the right direction.
