I turned 31 years old last week. I took the day off as a treat for my 31st birthday.
When I think back to turning 30, it was honestly rough. I felt like I was already behind in life – like I should’ve had more figured out by then. I had goals I didn’t reach, the biggest one being finding a new job. To be honest, I still carry that disappointment with me.
But now, a year later, I see things a bit differently. 30 wasn’t easy, but it taught me a lot about myself – like what it means to be happy, to keep going even when life feels uncertain, and how growth doesn’t always look the way we expect.
I wrote this blog as if I’m sharing my journey with a friend (you the reader) I hadn’t seen in a while. This post isn’t me pretending to have all the answers. It’s just me sharing what I’ve learned in hopes that if you’re in your 30s and feeling lost or unsure, you’ll know you’re not alone. In some way, I hope you see a bit of yourself in this.
And if you’re totally thriving and crushing all your goals…honestly, that’s awesome. You might want to skip this one and check out some coffee shops I’ve written about from my trip to Korea!
I’m still a 4-year-old kid
I may be 31 biologically speaking, but in my head, I still feel like a 4-year-old. Strangely, thinking that way has brought me relief because what 4-year-old has their entire life figured out? Instead of feeling the pressure to have it all together, I would rather focus on learning and growing. To stay curious and hopeful like any young kid would be. To explore without feeling like I have to live life a certain way.
I don’t know where or when I developed this pressure to have everything figured out by 30, but whenever that thought creeps in, I remind myself that I’m just a kid, learning as I go.
If you’re wondering why 4, I made my first big decision for myself in 2021: I decided to go part-time. It didn’t involve my parents, and it was nerve-racking. I wasn’t sure if my financial plans would go to shit. They sort of did, but if I hadn’t taken that leap, I honestly believe I would’ve been in a worse place mentally and physically.
I’m having dreams now
I didn’t have dreams as a kid. I wasn’t the one saying, “I’m gonna be a doctor” or “I want to be an engineer”. Honestly, I just felt kind of empty. I didn’t know what I wanted, so I copied others or let people tell me who I should be.
But now things feel different. I’ve realized I don’t enjoy living the way I am right now, and that’s pushed me to ask myself what I actually want. What do I dream of becoming? What do I want to do? Right now, it’s things like shooting a movie, teaching overseas, and finding financial freedom so I can spend my life doing work that serve others while still feeling fulfilled myself.
I have so many doubts about these dreams. I can find more reasons to give up on them than to try. But for the first time, I actually have them. And even if I’m unsure of where they’ll take me, I’m still moving toward them.
Your thoughts are just words, not truth
I started going to therapy after I turned 30, and one of the biggest things its taught me is how to challenge my negative thoughts.
From the time I wake up to when I go to sleep, I’m always thinking about something negative – like why I’m not where I’m at or how disappointed I am in myself or how unsatisfied I feel. And for the longest time, I let those thoughts run the show.
Now, I try to treat them differently. I acknowledge the thoughts and let them flow by. I don’t let them overwhelm me or make me feel more depressed or frustrated. I just say “hey that’s an interesting thought, but thanks…I’ll focus on something else”.
The thoughts don’t just disappear though. They always come back. I’m constantly challenging my thoughts. It’s tiring, but I do feel less weighed down throughout the day. A little less controlled by the negativity and stress.
I’m trying to get used to failing and disappointment
As I’m trying new things like chasing a different career or writing this blog, I’ve been trying to get used to failure and disappointment because I don’t want to give up on something meaningful if I fail once or twice or if something doesn’t turn out the way I expect…like my current job hunt. All these job rejections…sigh…
Whenever I feel like giving up, I just remind myself that if I quit every time I failed, I wouldn’t get very far with anything in life.
Slow down…be patient.
I asked my massage therapist what advice she would give herself at 31. She said to slow down. A part of me agreed with her, though from a different angle. I thought of slowing down as being more patient with myself and the process.
I’m learning and trying new things, so when I fail, I’m working on not jumping to conclusions about my abilities or my worth. Instead, I’ve been trying to take a step back at the end of each day and really reflect: what went wrong, what went well, and what I can do better next time. It helps me see the bigger picture instead of just the mistake.
I’m also practicing learning at a slower pace. Whether it’s my data science projects or working out at the gym, I’m breaking things into smaller chunks. Because whenever I try to move too fast, I just end up stressed and overwhelmed.
The yin and yang of contentment and wanting more
I’ve been wrestling with these two conflicting ideas: being content with what I have and still wanting more out of life. On one hand, I’m not content because I’m not where I want to be, but on the other hand, I want to be at peace with the present instead of constantly feeling like I’m behind.
I haven’t fully figured out how those two feelings can co-exist. But what I’ve come to so far is that if I can do the best I can each day with the time and resources that I have and not feel guilty over how I’ve lived, then I can feel content with the present.
Here’s to 31 years of living
I hope I continue to grow and learn more about the world and myself and have interesting stories to tell. I want to serve more people in a way that’s fulfilling to me.
Thanks for listening!
